Running Toward Emotional Health
Zaida Espinoza will run her first RBC Brooklyn Half on May 20. A New York City native, Zaida currently lives in Fort Drum, NY with her family, where her husband is stationed with the U.S. Army. Running has helped her heal from trauma associated with her deployment during the Iraq War.
Running for Fitness
Zaida joined the Army National Guard in 2003 and started running to get in shape, but she didn’t take to it right away. “I was more of a weightlifter. I did not like running,” she said. Her basic training included runs of up to 6 miles and “last-man-up” sprints in formation. “I hated it; however, I was good at it. I always passed our annual 2-mile run fitness test.”
Zaida was deployed in 2008 and 2009, and desperately missed her husband and their two young daughters. “Running and going to the gym helped me to stay mentally focused and with my emotions of missing my family,” she said.
Healing on the Run
When Zaida got back from her deployments, she noticed changes in her behavior. “I was jumpy and nervous at night. I would wake up in the middle of the night and it would take me a moment to realize that I was home. Backfires on cars and trucks would make my heart race. My daughter would sometimes catch me staring into space,” she said.
She never sought professional help for her mental health, but she took other steps, including going for regular runs, even though she “was still not in love with running.”
In 2012, Zaida returned to NYC and was living with her parents in Manhattan while her husband remained stationed in Fort Hood, TX. One day she went running in Central Park and noticed a women’s race in progress. “I saw all these people cheering and clapping. It gave me the energy to be able to run through the whole park. It was an amazing feeling,” she said.
Seeking Solace
Zaida and her family later moved to Forest Hills, Queens, and she ran with her sister and a friend. Over time, more people joined their runs, and Zaida enjoyed being part of a community.
She found it tough to run alone, however. “Running alone put me in my thoughts. There was so much that I was dealing with at the time,” including lingering trauma from her deployments. “I was not ready to get on that roller coaster and face my fears.”
Zaida gave birth to her youngest daughter in late 2013 ran a 5K the following spring. “I loved it. I wanted more,” she said.
Comfort and Community
Gradually, she began to find a sense of calm and healing on solitary runs, where she’d process her lingering trauma. “On days that I was feeling my lowest I would go to Flushing Meadows–Corona Park. It could be raining, and I was out there, sometimes crying in the middle of a run because my mind, heart, and body needed it. Running was helping me. Running made me a happier person,” she said.
Zaida and her family moved back to Texas, where her running slacked off and her depressed feelings returned. “I would have episodes of depression and feeling low. My daughter told me that I was a much better person when I went out for a run,” she said.
Searching for a community, she reached out to Latinas Run in NYC, and with their support, she started a Latinas Run group in Texas and coordinated a running event for Hispanic Heritage Month.
The work reinvigorated Zaida’s running and improved her mental health. “Putting myself out there to meet people and share my story on how running helped me, and why it is important in my life and in the Latino community, helped me so much emotionally and mentally,” she said.
“I Have Made Peace with Myself”
Zaida and her family moved to Fort Drum, and in 2021 she and her husband ran the TCS New York City Marathon.
“I have always been that person that loves to challenge myself,” she said. “When I am running and I feel myself struggling, I remind myself why I am doing this and that my girls are watching me. I have made peace with myself and the experiences that have made me the person that I am today. I no longer shy away from my emotions.”
When Zaida runs the 2023 RBC Brooklyn Half, she’s looking forward to “my mind feeling at peace” during the 13.1 miles.
“I know that I am not an amazing runner with an amazing pace. But to my kids and my husband, I am amazing,” she said. “They tell me every day that they are proud of me.”
Photos courtesy of Zaida Espinoza.
NYRR is honoring Mental Health Awareness Month in May by providing opportunities and inspiration to positively impact our community's mental health through physical fitness. Learn more here.